


Lost in Wonderland

by halsee



Category: Kill Your Darlings (2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:33:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4280436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halsee/pseuds/halsee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucien finally realizes something</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost in Wonderland

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Kim & Mazy!! Sorry it's short!!

Lu watched as Ginsy got ready for his date. Date, he hated that word it wouldn’t be a date if it wasn’t for Jack. Lu rolled his eyes as he watched Ginsy struggling with his tie. He stood up quickly and made his way immediately fixing the tie and setting it straight. His hands lingered a minute longer than they should have and their eyes stared into each other’s with emotion they weren’t used to seeing.

Lu blinked as he pulled away from Ginsy. With a small smile he patted his back and quickly moved away to the alcohol he managed to hide in Ginsy’s room. He quickly poured it into a glass, his hands shaking as he noticed from the corner of his eye, Ginsy still standing staring at him. He drank it quickly before placing a smile and turning back around.

“Go get him!” He said as he clasped his hands together. Ginsy looked at him momentarily before nodding. Lu bit his tongue and sighed as he watched Ginsy leave. He had told Ginsy, he would be there when he got back from his date. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t imagine the smile; Ginsy would have on his face. He had met the guy before and he was a homerun for Ginsy. He grabbed his coat and quickly left the room.

“Hey Lucien.” William said meeting up with him half way through his walk. William was a unique individual. He never seemed to be mesmerized by his charm which was a problem for Lu usually. He liked his charm and he liked it when he could make people fall under it. Similar to the way Ginsy did.

“Want to have a couple of drinks with me?” William asked clearly seeing a distressed look upon Lu’s face. Lu nodded fearing he wouldn’t be able to speak properly about how he felt. He had pushed Ginsy away. He had caused it, in the first place. Complaining to William, that he lingered longer than Lu preferred, he didn’t realize he would miss Ginsy’s constant touches. The time passed quickly at the bar, with small conversations that made his head almost roll off onto the floor.  

He looked at the clock on the wall when he noticed it was after nine, Ginsy should be back. He pondered it for a moment before shrugging off his seat. He grabbed his coat and threw it on, eager to get back to Ginsy no matter how hard he wanted to punch him in the face for going on a date.

He pulled his hand into his pocket to pull out the small key that let him into Ginsy’s room. Lu walked into Ginsy’s room not bothering to knock there was no point. It was as good as his room, seeing as he spent most of his time there. He shrugged out of his coat and threw it over the chair.

“Ginsy…” He stopped before he could even blink, there was Ginsy. His Ginsy, wrapped around someone else. Someone who wasn’t him, someone who didn’t know all of the quirky things Ginsy did. Like how he drummed his knuckles against his desk when he was frustrated, or the way his hair would fall into his face and sit above his glasses. He continued to watch feeling his heart shatter into millions of pieces. He never thought it would happen so quickly. He knew it was a date, but that’s all it was supposed to be. A terrible date, one where he wouldn’t want to see this guy again no matter how good he really was, he thought Ginsy would be with him and him alone forever. He took a deep breath and turned around, forgetting his coat he walked out not caring as he slammed the door. He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he felt eyes watch him go. He felt his heart falling apart, he slid down the wall next to Ginsy’s room unable to walk further. Tears rolled down his face, he didn’t like this feeling. He didn’t like not being with Ginsy. He didn’t like watching it happen, he wanted to be with him. He loved him. He held his face in his hands and covered his eyes. He didn’t know how long he was out there, but he felt someone shake his shoulder. He knew that hand, he had held that hand enough to know the feel of it.

“Lu, are you alright?” Ginsy said looking down at him concerned. Lu shook his head in disbelief, as anger flooded through his body. Was he stupid? Lu thought as he quickly stood up pushing Ginsy back into his room. His eyes did a quick search, he couldn’t see anyone else. He had been out there a long time, he turned his eyes back to Ginsy.

“No Ginsy. I’m not okay, What were you thinking? How could you?” Lu asked anger clear in his voice. He didn’t care that they weren’t together officially, in every aspect he believed that Ginsy was his and he was Ginsy’s. It didn’t make sense to him that, Ginsy would even bother accepting a date in the first place. He breathed out a sigh before grabbing hold of his shoulders.

“Why Ginsy?” Lu muttered as his voice broke over Ginsy’s name. He held onto Ginsy’s shoulders and attempted to pull him closer as if to wrap himself into him. Ginsy was his blanket of safety, always there. He felt Ginsy, pull back as his arms dropped to his sides.

“Because you don’t love me, if you do love me, then you have a shit way of showing it. And I’m not saying that man loves me, but it’s better to be abused by someone you don’t love than someone you do.” Ginsy said honesty in his tone as he took a step back. Lu watched as he shook his head. He clutches onto Ginsy’s wrist.

“I love you. Allen, you’re my Ginsy. You’re mine. I love you so much. But, I need David.” Lu breaks off tears streaming down his face. He feels Allen wretch his wrist away as if burned by his words. Lu gasps as he feels Ginsy’s lips against his. He had dreamed of this moment, he began to respond but before he could. Ginsy pulls away, he feels Ginsy’s breath against his face.

“I need you Lu. And I love you. But I can’t wait. I can’t do it. I won’t subject myself to you and David. It’s me or him. You picked him and as another lover hits the ground, another lover is reborn. You taught me that. Lu, I’m going to be here for you but I can’t be with you.” Ginsy said as he pulled away slowly.

“I hope you’re happy.” Ginsy says leaving Lu as he quickly grabs his bag and heads to the bathrooms to shower. Lu watches him leave from the corner of his eye and feels lost.

Lu feels the tears starting up again and he knows Ginsy is right. Ginsy maybe his and he maybe Ginsy’s but not all things can last. He remembers the first words he said to Ginsy. An oasis in this wasteland, he lets out a small sob and oasis is fertile until it’s ruined. He chose the wasteland, and the oasis he longed for is gone. It’s further out of reach. He starts to breath heavily before quickly making his way out of Ginsy’s room. He stops by the bathrooms and shakes his head before walking back to the wasteland.

Back to David, back to lingering touches and lost smiles.


End file.
